Valentine’s Day & The Lost Art of Chivalry.

valentines day

St. Valentine’s Day – the most romantic day of the year. A day for love and grand sweeping romantic gestures.

Traditionally, little kids exchange cards with their classmates, and big kids send lollipops to their crushes. Enamoured adults purchase sappy cards, boxes of chocolates, and bouquets of roses, and splash out for romantic dinners. Couples get engaged, and others get married. Hallmark, florists, jewellers, and restauranteurs cash in! It’s the day when love and retail win, and chivalry is celebrated. But is that changing?

Call me old-fashioned but I love chivalry! I love chivalrous people, especially chivalrous men.  So much in fact, I married one.

Chivalry is defined loosely as “courteous behaviour”, usually by men directed to women. It’s also a form of respect and everyone regardless of age or gender should act with chivalry. Chivalry boils down to kindness and we all know (or should know) that kindness is free.

Originally Chivalry was defined as – the system of behaviour followed by knights in the medieval period that put a high value on honour, kindness and courage.

In a recent survey only “1 in 7 men said they would give up their seat to an elderly person.” Shocking, right?

Perhaps the days of men standing when a lady enters the room, or gentlemen kissing the hands of unmarried ladies are passing. But that does not mean common civility and good manners should go out the window too.

In today’s “hook-up” culture and digital dating. Has it become too much to expect dinner? A second, or third date and a bit of time invested in getting to know one another? I’m not saying the dude should even get the bill (nice touch though). Share the damn bill…it’s not about the bill. Invest the time in getting to know someone.

I’m a Mom to a boy tribe and want my guys to be modern-day knights – gentlemen who respect women and value honour, kindness, and courage.

16 Rules of Chivalry 101:

  1. Hold the door for everyone!
  2. Give up your seat on the train to anyone senior, especially ladies.
  3. Ensure your date and friends always make it home safely.
  4. Walk on the street edge of the sidewalk.
  5. Pull out her chair.
  6. Use your manners.
  7. Make eye contact with people.
  8. Have a firm handshake, (or solid fist pump in pandemic speak).
  9. Be true to your word and mean what you say.
  10. Help carry heavy bags.
  11. Listen.
  12. Be on time.
  13. Buy flowers.
  14. Be kind.
  15. Play fair.
  16. Be humble.

Ladies, never settle. I hope that today and every day someone shows you kindness and a bit of chivalry.  If the Valentine in your life buys you flowers or chocolates today. Yeah! If they simply tell you they “love you”, and hand you the remote – take that as a win. Love and romance don’t always come in the form of grand sweeping gestures.  Sometimes it’s as simple as your love fixing your favourite drink and hanging out for a snuggle.

We need chivalry to stick around. Digital is so unsexy. Nothing beats raw emotion. Don’t be afraid to lay your feelings on the line. Always better to say it in person than through a text. We’re emotional and physical beings, not bots. We thrive on emotional connection. Hugging and hand-holding can actually heal feelings of isolation and anger by increasing oxytocin levels. Pretty cool, right?



How are you spending your day? Be kind to others and definitely to yourself.  If you’re single, take a friend for lunch or dinner, or treat yourself to something a little indulgent….massage, facial, shoes, chocolates, lunch, dinner, wine. At the very least BUY the flowers.  You absolutely deserve them. x



I hope you enjoyed your day. Happy Valentines Day ❤️

Love, Kate. x

Update 2020: Today the Big Valentine is home. We’re going for lunch – no grand sweeping gestures. Just taking a little time to reconnect.

Update 2021: Coffee in bed, and a box of Swiss chocolates. I’ll take it as a win.

Update 2022: Big Valentine is away. Lovely day spent with phenomenal women. Surprise Roses.


Update 2023: Half the family is in Dubai. Just me & the big one here for exams. A quick lunch with my boy & a massage for me! #win ❤️❤️❤️

Read More:

The Current Irrelevance of Hollywood

A Mom of Boys (MOB) on Raising Boys




6 thoughts on “Valentine’s Day & The Lost Art of Chivalry.

  1. What a lovely read, I think all parents should read this to there children boy or girl and your message is so worth sharing. Thank You

  2. How if I am gay? Those lists are good, and conmon but about pull chair, can I switch to pull his chair?

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